Our GP is a lovely, kind, straight to the point, no bullshit kind of guy. While I was pregnant, I had some bad pregnancy insomnia. I would go in stressed and anxious that I hadn’t slept. He pretty much told me that lack of sleep won’t kill me and that I can just get on … More Dougie Days
And the world keeps going. Nothing stops. I still had to do the groceries, go to the post office, go shopping, get a hair cut. I would be out in public thinking do they know? Does my face show that I had lost a baby? Why wont they ask me? Why has everyone slowly stopped … More Double whammy
Friday 28 July 2017. 11am. Mason’s funeral. We didn’t really sleep the night before. Saunders and I chatted in bed in each others arms trying to fully accept that the next day would be our son’s funeral. I got out of bed, had a shower and did my hair and makeup. Put my dress on. … More No fancy title for this one. The funeral
The funeral was approaching and set for Friday, 28 July 2017. On a Monday morning I received a call from Leonie who worked at the funeral home we were using for Mason’s service. Leonie called to say that Mason has been finally taken into her care from being released at the Coroners and had arrived … More Who’s baby is that?
The week after Mason headed for the stars was such a blur. Time didn’t stop. We didn’t have time to shower. We didn’t have time to eat. We didn’t have time to grieve. We were running on adrenaline. We had to organise the perfect funeral for our beautiful baby boy. You only get one chance … More Another chance, another sign
Mornings and nights are the toughest. It’s when the world feels like it has stopped for you. Finally it stops. Finally it grieves for you and acknowledges that you have lost your baby. The night time silence is ear piercing. Deafening. You toss and turn all night. I still have to sleep with the pillows … More The house looks like a baby lives here but where’s the baby?
The previous blogs I had written literally flowed out of me from heart to keyboard and I was excited to write them. This blog took me a few days, I don’t know if I was subconsciously trying to put it off as once I did write this blog then it would confirm Mason was no … More Seeing stars and saying goodbye
As the days slowly went by Mason was looking better and better, giving us hope that he was on the mend. It was only until the Consultant Pediatrician told us that they had taken Mason off the cooling bed and had started warming him up to normal temperature which would mean if he could, he … More Results, the last day & that ugly green leopard print jumpsuit
Excitement, exhaustion, pain, happiness. So many feelings overwhelmed me on that car trip to the hospital in the early morning of Thursday 13 July 2017. Excitement because I was on the way to the hospital, exhaustion because I had not slept for nearly 24 hours, pain because contractions fucking hurt and happiness because I was … More Labour, delivery & where it all went wrong